Anyway, I’m just here to vent really quickly and then I’ll disappear again.

I made the mistake of going on my Facebook earlier, when I was already in kind of a crappy mood. I’m scrolling down my main page, and what do I see?

Katie Strahm is married to Braden Hays.

Here’s where the heartache sets in. First off, let me say that I’m still living with my boyfriend and I love him, so that’s not the issue. I have been missing him more lately because our schedules have been off, but overall I don’t think things have been bad. But here’s the deal: I met Braden a few years ago when I first moved back to San Diego (maybe 3 years ago now), and I really liked him. There might even be old entries in here where I talk about how I thought he and I had a lot in common and about one night in particular when I thought he was flirting with me. Now, because of my own stupidity, we never ended up getting together. What sucks is that now he’s married, to a girl that is friends with some of my friends. In fact, I think I’ve met her once or twice and I remember her being really sweet, so I’m not mad that he ended up with her. I guess in hindsight it just kinda sucks because I DID like him so much and it sucks to think “Wow, that could have been ME.” Again, I love my boyfriend and all, but it’s strange to see what my future could have been (I mean, maybe not, but I can’t help but feel like it COULD have turned out that way). It’s like being led by the ghosts on Christmas Eve, or like with the angel in “It’s a Wonderful Life”; it’s strange that I ended up somewhere different.

I don’t know, maybe that makes no sense to anyone but me and maybe it makes me sound like a real asshole, but it’s had me kinda bummed. It just goes to show that if you don’t act on it when you should, you lose the opportunity forever.

Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge

Seriously, I love my boyfriend but I feel like things are starting to get out of control.

We just had this long discussion about how he doesn’t trust me around other guys, especially not ones who were my exes. Okay, fine, I’ll give him that. I didn’t exactly give him a strong reason to trust me a few months ago. I’m even going so far as to agree to cut out yet another guy who I’m friends with; first I stopped talking to Peter (from work) because he was concerned something was going on, now I cut off Steven. I told him, though, that I was really concerned because he’s seemingly not making any progress toward forgiving me for what I’ve done and for trying to have some trust for me again. Previously he’s gotten mad at a guy who he never even met that I showed a room in my condo to when I was trying to rent it out, even though I didn’t really want a guy living here but I was getting desperate. I had even asked my BF to be here in case the guy was a wacko, but he refused to stay and was really mad at me for even entertaining the notion of having a male roommate and he ran out of the place and didn’t talk to me for a while. I told him that I was worried that because he “doesn’t trust me with any guy” that this is going to be a problem because at some point, I’m going to have to be around guys; probably alone. I’m going to school, there’s work…I mean really, there’s LIFE. It’s kind of an unavoidable thing. He’s around cute 19 year olds all day at school, but it’s not like I could forbid him to go! I mean hell, it doesn’t even cross my mind to be bothered by it because I trust him. Now I know he’s supposed to be gaining back his trust in me, but this is almost 6 months after the fact; you’d think there would be some kind of progress made on his end.

I went out 2 weekends ago with some of my friends to a dive bar that we always go to, and I actually thought he’d be pretty proud of me. There was a group of guys that were my one girl friend’s friends, and they were kinda hitting on the single girls with us. My friend that invited them was hooking up with their friend that night. My other friend was supposed to have her boyfriend there but he wasn’t feeling up to it so he stayed home, and my boyfriend was at work. The only time I went near a guy that night was to hang on this other guy that was separate from the pack who came with the guy my friend was hooking up with. Now, you may have read that and thought “Well right there you screwed up, because you were hanging on a guy.”

Did I mention he’s a flaming queen?

Honestly, he and I hit it off that night because he’s gayer than gay and I’m all about the gay boys, so he and I danced and wandered around together and he kept the nasty drunk straight guys away from me. I figured that would be a win-win situation for me and the BF, but apparently I was wrong.

He was supposed to call me tonight (he’s at work), but now I get the feeling he’s not going to. Why? Because in the group of photos from that night which were posted on my friend’s Facebook, there’s one where I’m jokingly kissing him. And not like a crazy, slobbery porn tongue kiss; a demure, closed mouth, pursed lip on the cheek kiss. In fact, in the picture I’m barely touching his cheek! But I checked my email earlier and there was an angry email from my BF saying essentially “WTF?!” and asking “Oh, so it’s okay if I kiss every lesbian I see?!”

Um, actually I wouldn’t care, especially if it was on the cheek. But either way, kiss as many lesbians as you want because they’re not interested in you. In fact, if those lesbians were as gay as this guy, feel free to sleep naked in a bed with one because I can guarantee that nothing is going to happen so I wouldn’t be upset at all (except maybe I’d feel bad for the lesbian, cause that would be like a straight guy waking up to an ass naked straight guy in bed with them).

I wish there was a way to make him see how unreasonable he’s become. I love him and I want to be with him, but this kind of thing is getting out of hand.

• join a club/organization
• make friends at work and hang out with them
• meet Rmy members in RL
• meet and greet MCR
• photo w/ a celeb not MCR
• cook dinner for friends
• throw one theme party a year for 2 years
• find a show buddy

Travel

• get a passport *
• road trip w/friends
• visit Carolynn/Jessica
• visit Stella
• visit/meet up w/ Kelsey
• visit Danielle
• visit Mat
• go to Europe
• go camping
• visit the Getty
• visit the Griffith Park Observatory
• weekend in Catalina

Shopping

• purchase a Wii
• purchase the Sims
• sell something on Ebay
• purchase Nikon Color eFex Pro-Complete ♦
• purchase a keyboard
• purchase myself a diamond ring ♦
• purchase a corset
• purchase a laptop ♦
• purchase digital SLR

Hobbies

• make a movie w/ the Sims
• see A Kiss Could Be Deadly play live
• see Suburban Legends play live
• scrapbook my concert tickets *
• read at least 12 novels in a year
• write a short story *
• see a musical
• update website at least once a week ♦
• take a class at Michael’s
• participate in local theatre
• enter photo(s) in Fair
• design, make, and wear my own t-shirt
• photograph old cemetery
• learn to play songs on keyboard
• learn to code in PHP
• scrapbook an entire album

Personal Development

• take organic chemistry
• back to school for BSN
• get down to 120 lbs
• get a tan (real or otherwise) ♦
• join a gym
• get back on the Pill
• workout 3 times a week for 30 min minimum
• start a retirement fund
• style and dye hair
• tone up abs
• draw up a living will
• get makeup tips from MAC makeup artist
• get Invisalign to nudge teeth back into place
• buy a vegetarian cookbook
• get certified in a nursing specialty ♦
• find a wine I actually like
• live by myself (no more roommates)
• create a signature cocktail
• donate blood
• remember all my friends’ birthdays for a year

Holidays

• decorate a gingerbread house
• attend church on Christmas Eve
• send out Halloween cards
• purchase 5 new Halloween decorations a year *
• attend a Dia de los Muertos event
• give up something for Lent
• celebrate Thanksgiving with friends
• spend New Years Eve in Las Vegas
• have a proper Bonfire Night celebration
• see a performance of the Nutcracker
• celebrate the 13 days of Halloween

Adventures

• go on a date
• bungee jump
• hot air balloon ride at sunset
• be in the audience for an episode of The Tonight Show
• go to Comic Con and take pics with people in costumes
• wear a yellow shirt in public
• learn to snowboard
• karaoke at a bar or restaurant
• go to the Ren Faire in costume
• get a second tattoo
• purchase haunted places book and visit places mentioned (w/ photos!)*
• buy a (male) stranger a drink
• go to a comedy club
• brew my own beer at home
• learn to scuba dive
• go spelunking

Random

• send in a secret to postsecret ♦
• eat at a fondue restaurant
• make sushi at home
• get professional photos taken of myself
• see a movie at the El Capitan
• see a movie at Hollywood Forever
• host contests on the net bimonthly for a year ♦
• release 10 books through bookcrossing.com and have them found ♦
• donate $5 for each incomplete goal at the end of 1001 days

The ones that have the *’s next to them are currently in progress, and the ones that have the ♦’s next to them means I might have to come up with a new one for that category as some of those aren’t really possible/probable anymore.

Our room's view

I didn’t even realize this was a category until just now, LOL. That worked out great! August 9th-11th I went with Albert for a 2-night/3-day getaway to Catalina Island, just off the coast of San Pedro (or Dana Point, which is where we left from). We took the Catalina Express, a ferry boat that speeds you to the island over the course of an hour and a half. We got out there really early, and we spent the first part of that first day exploring. The package we got through AAA Travel was for the hotel room, the ferry, and unlimited tours. We took a quick bus tour around Avalon, then walked around the town and explored over to Descanso Beach. We checked in, got a nice dinner, and just relaxed. The second day we got up early and went over to Descanso Beach, where we spent most of the day snorkeling and kayaking.

Me and the boyfriend kayaking

We also did (between those two days) a number of other tours–the Undersea tour in a partially-submerged submarine much like the one at Disneyland (we did that one twice, actually; a day and night one), the nighttime Flying Fish tour…and I thought another one but maybe not. The third day we spent out on the Inland tour, which took 4 hours and took us all over the interior of the island that I’ve never seen before. I’m not going to post a ton of pictures here because they’re all on my Facebook, but I’ll just say that I never wanted to leave once I was there and I can’t wait to go back again!

Me and Jack

Sorry I know that title needs a bit of deciphering, but I didn’t want it to be super long either. So the first one is stated on the list as “Go to Comic Con and take pics with people in costumes.”

Comic Con '09

Well hey there, I went to Comic Con this year on Friday and it was AMAZING. I saw so many celebrities and got to sit in on so many awesome panel discussions! I can’t wait until next year. My plan is to get the 4-day pass, because it really was too much to handle in one day. I managed to get a photo of myself with the fabulous Cap’n Jack Sparrow in the Exhibit Hall, and I snapped a photo of my boyfriend with Bender

Albert and Bender

in the same area. I decided that since Comic Con is a huge event and it wasn’t likely I’d stand out in anything I wore, I decided to make it the day that I also crossed off “Wear a yellow shirt in public” from the list. That might not sound like a big deal, but if you know me you’ll know that the color yellow and I historically have not been very good friends. But there I was, yellow shirt loud and proud, haha.

Yellow!

The final thing I pulled off (without planning it ahead of time; even better!) was that I managed to get a “Photo w/a celeb not MCR.” Right after the discussion panel for the movie Stan Helsing my boyfriend and I rushed out to the hall and I managed to get a quick photo with Steve Howey, who played Van Montgomery in the tv show “Reba”.

Steve Howey

He was really nice about it, and all around a very funny, cool guy. All in all, an amazing day!

So $40 plus bucks later, I had officially bungee’d. However, I thought that first jump was going to be really terrifying; it turns out it’s just like jumping off a wall as a kid with an umbrella. There’s not a crazy falling sensation, more just the knowledge that you jumped off something, if that makes sense. The worst part about it (and why I probably won’t ever do it again) was that the rebound after the initial jump sent me into a crazy spin and I was lucky I didn’t get motion sick and throw up on everyone. If it weren’t for that, I’d do this all the time!

Oh, and I suppose it’s probably my duty to be involved in all aspects of nursing and whatever, haha.