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So here we are….something like 6 years after I wrote my last entry, hahaha, and I’m back! I finally decided that there are just some things that need to be said, even if they’re said in an environment that no one will see but you. Since I don’t go to church I need to have some kind of confessional, no? And since I’m not as close to some of my friends as I would like to be anymore I think this is the best way to air my dirty laundry, so to speak. I think first I’ll start by unlocking some of these private entries; after all, I think anything that happened more than 5 years ago is old news, wouldn’t you agree?

Rearview Mirror

Sorry for the long time no see, I’ve been lost in the blah that is RL. I started grad school a month and a half or so ago and I’ve been busy with that lately.

Anyway, I’m just here to vent really quickly and then I’ll disappear again.

I made the mistake of going on my Facebook earlier, when I was already in kind of a crappy mood. I’m scrolling down my main page, and what do I see?

Katie Strahm is married to Braden Hays.

Here’s where the heartache sets in. First off, let me say that I’m still living with my boyfriend and I love him, so that’s not the issue. I have been missing him more lately because our schedules have been off, but overall I don’t think things have been bad. But here’s the deal: I met Braden a few years ago when I first moved back to San Diego (maybe 3 years ago now), and I really liked him. There might even be old entries in here where I talk about how I thought he and I had a lot in common and about one night in particular when I thought he was flirting with me. Now, because of my own stupidity, we never ended up getting together. What sucks is that now he’s married, to a girl that is friends with some of my friends. In fact, I think I’ve met her once or twice and I remember her being really sweet, so I’m not mad that he ended up with her. I guess in hindsight it just kinda sucks because I DID like him so much and it sucks to think “Wow, that could have been ME.” Again, I love my boyfriend and all, but it’s strange to see what my future could have been (I mean, maybe not, but I can’t help but feel like it COULD have turned out that way). It’s like being led by the ghosts on Christmas Eve, or like with the angel in “It’s a Wonderful Life”; it’s strange that I ended up somewhere different.

I don’t know, maybe that makes no sense to anyone but me and maybe it makes me sound like a real asshole, but it’s had me kinda bummed. It just goes to show that if you don’t act on it when you should, you lose the opportunity forever.

Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge

Ewan McGregor in Moulin Rouge

Seriously, I love my boyfriend but I feel like things are starting to get out of control.

We just had this long discussion about how he doesn’t trust me around other guys, especially not ones who were my exes. Okay, fine, I’ll give him that. I didn’t exactly give him a strong reason to trust me a few months ago. I’m even going so far as to agree to cut out yet another guy who I’m friends with; first I stopped talking to Peter (from work) because he was concerned something was going on, now I cut off Steven. I told him, though, that I was really concerned because he’s seemingly not making any progress toward forgiving me for what I’ve done and for trying to have some trust for me again. Previously he’s gotten mad at a guy who he never even met that I showed a room in my condo to when I was trying to rent it out, even though I didn’t really want a guy living here but I was getting desperate. I had even asked my BF to be here in case the guy was a wacko, but he refused to stay and was really mad at me for even entertaining the notion of having a male roommate and he ran out of the place and didn’t talk to me for a while. I told him that I was worried that because he “doesn’t trust me with any guy” that this is going to be a problem because at some point, I’m going to have to be around guys; probably alone. I’m going to school, there’s work…I mean really, there’s LIFE. It’s kind of an unavoidable thing. He’s around cute 19 year olds all day at school, but it’s not like I could forbid him to go! I mean hell, it doesn’t even cross my mind to be bothered by it because I trust him. Now I know he’s supposed to be gaining back his trust in me, but this is almost 6 months after the fact; you’d think there would be some kind of progress made on his end.

I went out 2 weekends ago with some of my friends to a dive bar that we always go to, and I actually thought he’d be pretty proud of me. There was a group of guys that were my one girl friend’s friends, and they were kinda hitting on the single girls with us. My friend that invited them was hooking up with their friend that night. My other friend was supposed to have her boyfriend there but he wasn’t feeling up to it so he stayed home, and my boyfriend was at work. The only time I went near a guy that night was to hang on this other guy that was separate from the pack who came with the guy my friend was hooking up with. Now, you may have read that and thought “Well right there you screwed up, because you were hanging on a guy.”

Did I mention he’s a flaming queen?

Honestly, he and I hit it off that night because he’s gayer than gay and I’m all about the gay boys, so he and I danced and wandered around together and he kept the nasty drunk straight guys away from me. I figured that would be a win-win situation for me and the BF, but apparently I was wrong.

He was supposed to call me tonight (he’s at work), but now I get the feeling he’s not going to. Why? Because in the group of photos from that night which were posted on my friend’s Facebook, there’s one where I’m jokingly kissing him. And not like a crazy, slobbery porn tongue kiss; a demure, closed mouth, pursed lip on the cheek kiss. In fact, in the picture I’m barely touching his cheek! But I checked my email earlier and there was an angry email from my BF saying essentially “WTF?!” and asking “Oh, so it’s okay if I kiss every lesbian I see?!”

Um, actually I wouldn’t care, especially if it was on the cheek. But either way, kiss as many lesbians as you want because they’re not interested in you. In fact, if those lesbians were as gay as this guy, feel free to sleep naked in a bed with one because I can guarantee that nothing is going to happen so I wouldn’t be upset at all (except maybe I’d feel bad for the lesbian, cause that would be like a straight guy waking up to an ass naked straight guy in bed with them).

I wish there was a way to make him see how unreasonable he’s become. I love him and I want to be with him, but this kind of thing is getting out of hand.

Social

  • join a club/organization
  • make friends at work and hang out with them
  • meet Rmy members in RL
  • meet and greet MCR
  • photo w/ a celeb not MCR
  • cook dinner for friends
  • throw one theme party a year for 2 years
  • find a show buddy

Travel

  • get a passport *
  • road trip w/friends
  • visit Carolynn/Jessica
  • visit Stella
  • visit/meet up w/ Kelsey
  • visit Danielle
  • visit Mat
  • go to Europe
  • go camping
  • visit the Getty
  • visit the Griffith Park Observatory
  • weekend in Catalina

Shopping

  • purchase a Wii
  • purchase the Sims
  • sell something on Ebay
  • purchase Nikon Color eFex Pro-Complete ♦
  • purchase a keyboard
  • purchase myself a diamond ring ♦
  • purchase a corset
  • purchase a laptop ♦
  • purchase digital SLR

Hobbies

  • make a movie w/ the Sims
  • see A Kiss Could Be Deadly play live
  • see Suburban Legends play live
  • scrapbook my concert tickets *
  • read at least 12 novels in a year
  • write a short story *
  • see a musical
  • update website at least once a week ♦
  • take a class at Michael’s
  • participate in local theatre
  • enter photo(s) in Fair
  • design, make, and wear my own t-shirt
  • photograph old cemetery
  • learn to play songs on keyboard
  • learn to code in PHP
  • scrapbook an entire album

Personal Development

  • take organic chemistry
  • back to school for BSN
  • get down to 120 lbs
  • get a tan (real or otherwise) ♦
  • join a gym
  • get back on the Pill
  • workout 3 times a week for 30 min minimum
  • start a retirement fund
  • style and dye hair
  • tone up abs
  • draw up a living will
  • get makeup tips from MAC makeup artist
  • get Invisalign to nudge teeth back into place
  • buy a vegetarian cookbook
  • get certified in a nursing specialty ♦
  • find a wine I actually like
  • live by myself (no more roommates)
  • create a signature cocktail
  • donate blood
  • remember all my friends’ birthdays for a year

Holidays

  • decorate a gingerbread house
  • attend church on Christmas Eve
  • send out Halloween cards
  • purchase 5 new Halloween decorations a year *
  • attend a Dia de los Muertos event
  • give up something for Lent
  • celebrate Thanksgiving with friends
  • spend New Years Eve in Las Vegas
  • have a proper Bonfire Night celebration
  • see a performance of the Nutcracker
  • celebrate the 13 days of Halloween

Adventures

  • go on a date
  • bungee jump
  • hot air balloon ride at sunset
  • be in the audience for an episode of The Tonight Show
  • go to Comic Con and take pics with people in costumes
  • wear a yellow shirt in public
  • learn to snowboard
  • karaoke at a bar or restaurant
  • go to the Ren Faire in costume
  • get a second tattoo
  • purchase haunted places book and visit places mentioned (w/ photos!)*
  • buy a (male) stranger a drink
  • go to a comedy club
  • brew my own beer at home
  • learn to scuba dive
  • go spelunking

Random

  • send in a secret to postsecret ♦
  • eat at a fondue restaurant
  • make sushi at home
  • get professional photos taken of myself
  • see a movie at the El Capitan
  • see a movie at Hollywood Forever
  • host contests on the net bimonthly for a year ♦
  • release 10 books through bookcrossing.com and have them found ♦
  • donate $5 for each incomplete goal at the end of 1001 days

The ones that have the *’s next to them are currently in progress, and the ones that have the ♦’s next to them means I might have to come up with a new one for that category as some of those aren’t really possible/probable anymore.

I just did this one today, can you believe it?! I mean, I’m nowhere near being an expert, and I won’t lie–the commands are pretty confusing to me, but at least now I have a real basic knowledge of creating a PHP template page to use as the base to a website. I feel confident that I could make a basic PHP website and that it would work. I found a few sources that I read, but honestly this guy named John Morris has videos on his YouTube site that are amazing! If only I’d known how to do this a few years ago, my life could have been so much simpler….

Our room's view

Our room's view

I didn’t even realize this was a category until just now, LOL. That worked out great! August 9th-11th I went with Albert for a 2-night/3-day getaway to Catalina Island, just off the coast of San Pedro (or Dana Point, which is where we left from). We took the Catalina Express, a ferry boat that speeds you to the island over the course of an hour and a half. We got out there really early, and we spent the first part of that first day exploring. The package we got through AAA Travel was for the hotel room, the ferry, and unlimited tours. We took a quick bus tour around Avalon, then walked around the town and explored over to Descanso Beach. We checked in, got a nice dinner, and just relaxed. The second day we got up early and went over to Descanso Beach, where we spent most of the day snorkeling and kayaking.

Me and the boyfriend kayaking

Me and the boyfriend kayaking

We also did (between those two days) a number of other tours–the Undersea tour in a partially-submerged submarine much like the one at Disneyland (we did that one twice, actually; a day and night one), the nighttime Flying Fish tour…and I thought another one but maybe not. The third day we spent out on the Inland tour, which took 4 hours and took us all over the interior of the island that I’ve never seen before. I’m not going to post a ton of pictures here because they’re all on my Facebook, but I’ll just say that I never wanted to leave once I was there and I can’t wait to go back again!

Okay, so again both of these are technicalities, but I’m counting them. I had decided a while back, obviously, that I was going to go back to school and get my Bachelor’s degree in Nursing (my BSN). I went to an information session at San Diego State University in June or July and I talked to an advisor, who told me that I couldn’t go there to get a BSN because I already have a B.A. in Psychology and SDSU doesn’t take second Bachelor’s students. I was bummed until she said “However, you could do your RN to MSN.” What that means is that I bypass getting a BSN and go straight to the MSN, or Masters of Nursing. I jumped at the idea, and started getting ready for it. Originally I put “take organic chemistry” because that was one of the requirements to get into the BSN program, but since I was no longer doing that track she told me I would need to take Statistics and pass with a C or better prior to admission to the program. I took Elementary Statistics over the summer in an 8-week course, and passed with an A. Now I just got accepted to SDSU’s MSN program, and I started my first day of grad school this last Thursday, hurray!

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